The Vice-Chancellor’s Handover

When Professor Sir Angus Brown gave 12 months’ notice of his impending retirement, he envisaged a dignified departure from the University, preceded by an orderly transition of responsibilities. The conclusion of his nine years as Vice Chancellor of one of the oldest seats of learning in the land would be a measured and celebratory affair, with a whole month of overlap between him and his successor, to ensure continuity.

At this time Professor Brown could still persuade himself he was leaving the University of Rheged in a much better state than he had found it. He could point to the massive rise in research income and the excellent results in the last Research Excellence Framework – the periodic assessment of quality that is so important to the academic world. Undergraduate student numbers and entry tariffs had continued to rise. Applications from international postgraduates remained on an upward trend, bolstered by new ‘markets’ opening in India and Nigeria. Picking up the annual ‘University of the Year’ award at a glitzy event in London had proved extremely pleasant, as was a visit from the Monarch to open the new Institute of Advanced Studies. The knighthood had been a final salute to his achievements at Rheged: the cherry on the top, as it were.

The proposed handover to the new VC was designed to give plenty of time for reassurance about the good health of the University. It would also offer opportunities to impart a few pearls of wisdom: how to handle the University Council and the Senate, as well as the senior management team, the unions, and not least the students themselves. Thus assisted, his successor would be able to settle quickly into the well-appointed suite of offices and adjacent living quarters. There would also be time for the new VC to be introduced to some key members of the inner team: the chauffer, the appointments secretary, the executive catering manager, and so on. The handover would be a pleasure to undertake and also a symbolic contribution to the legacy of Sir Angus.

But in the time since Professor Brown’s retiral announcement, matters had changed dramatically. At the start of the academic year a ‘black hole’ had suddenly been discovered in the University’s finances. International postgraduate student numbers had plummeted. The expensive accommodation built in the past few years to house them, was now sitting half empty. A major cyber attack had been costly to handle and had left the University’s IT infrastructure in a parlous state. On top of it all, a rise in employer’s National Insurance payments was just round the corner, bringing a painful hike in the pay bill. Apart from a modest increase in tuition fees, there was no sign that the new government was going to lay a golden egg for the university world.

In the midst of all this, some effort had been needed to avoid bad publicity concerning an 18% rise in Professor Brown’s own renumeration package. The increase had brought his annual pay to somewhere north of half a million pounds – about two thirds more than the Prime Minister. Likewise, no one enjoyed reading in the press about the extent of his recent business class flights to far flung places, as well as rumours of a new remote campus somewhere on the African continent.

After careful reflection therefore, and as a cost-cutting measure, the one month handover had been drastically reduced: to just one day. Things would have to be done briskly, a sort of speed dating approach, at the end of which Sir Angus would leave through the front gates, head straight to the airport, and thence a flight to Bermuda and his cherished second home.

Now, on the morning of the ‘transfer of power’, Professor Brown is at his desk early, the pleasant smell of freshly roasted coffee, wafting through the office. He is eager to welcome and get to know more about his successor, a certain Ed Greenstreet, arriving today from one of the UK’s leading private management schools.

After the Danish pastries and initial pleasantries, they get straight down to serious talk.

‘So Ed, I won’t try to sweeten it, as they say, but things are tricky at the moment’.

‘Serious head winds Angus, right across the sector of course’.

‘But as you know, we’ve done a lot of work in recent months to guarantee a sustainable future for the University. I’ve stressed this to colleagues at our ‘town hall’ meetings. Staff are our biggest asset. People, that’s what it’s all about’.

‘We’re on the same page Angus, for sure. Though I see you’ve had a healthy response to the voluntary redundancy scheme’.

‘Indeed. Interest has exceeded all expectations. Our professional service functions will look leaner and fitter as a result. We may need to go further with some academic roles however’.

‘Yes I read your strategy document “Reshaping Rheged”. Some brilliant ideas there, particularly around transdisciplinarity as a vehicle for new teaching models and financial savings’.

‘Yes, and also for structural change, Ed. Getting rid of the silos, and – one might even say, though it pains me to do so – the vested interests’.

‘Oh yes indeed Angus. Entrenched assumptions and working practices that are barriers to efficiency and growth. To echo the Chancellor of the Exchequer in that recent speech – too many “newts and bats” standing in the way of progress’.

‘Well I know Council is looking to you for some fresh ideas that will get us out of the black hole and move Rheged forward’.

‘Which is where my first shot across the bows comes in. It will be big and bold and will save us millions’.

‘And focus on what, Ed?’

‘Something very simple and people oriented. A real incentiviser for our staff. And all based on AI, so likely to cost next to nothing on implementation’.

‘Tell me more!’

‘Well, it’s goodbye to the old days of annual review. Sitting down with each member of staff and pretending to be impressed by their paltry achievements in the past year. No, no. That’s going. Very soon, and assisted by carefully designed algorithms, we’ll be able to appraise each individual staff member week by week, and alter their reimbursement accordingly at the end of the month. Away with incremental scales and time-consuming promotion rounds. Dynamic pay grades will prevail from now on. The modelling shows that remarkable savings will result – more than commensurate with the deficit that so suddenly appeared in the Rheged budget. It’s going to be something unequivocally transformational’.

‘This is sounding most intriguing!’

‘Yes, and I’ve even cut a deal with a few other elite institutions to work together on the whole thing, thereby giving us greater profile and credibility, at scale’.

‘And does this new intervention have a name, a brand maybe?’

‘It certainly does, Angus. The management consultants gave us various options, but we all agreed on the choice: Consortium for Rapid Appraisal of Performance‘.

‘Oh that sounds quite the thing. From the moment I read your profile on Wikipedia, I could see beyond doubt that yours would be a provocative approach’.

‘In what way Angus?’

‘Well it’s pretty obvious isn’t it, Ed?’ Sir Angus smiles conspiratorially, then continues.

‘Surely it’s beyond dispute that only someone with your insights, skills and flair would come up with CRAP as a game changer’.